Friday, July 15, 2011

Why I Never Did Acid

There are various reasons why I never did hallucinogenics, but recently it dawned on me the trippy crap that was thrown in my face by various seemingly innocent films. So, I'm just going to take the easy way out and blame them. Below are my top 4 scary montages of freakiness for children:

4. All In The Golden Afternoon- Alice in Wonderland (1951)

Let's be honest, this is actually the tamest of the tame... mostly because the whole damn movie is freaky, but not as spectacularly freaky as the original book(jabberwocky, anyone?)... or frankly, Lewis Carroll. The fact that corporate Disney decided to adapt this book in the gee-golly 1950's is a feat in itself. Yet, there is something slightly disturbing about kissing feline flowers, toast butterflies, and roses that HAD to be the inspiration for Audrey 2.

3) Willy Wonka and the Wonderous Boat Ride- 1971

Scary, dark, spoiled brats, and Gene Wilder's hair! That damn chant he sings, not to mention I swear they cut the head off of a chicken in one of those crazy-ass background clips. I loved this movie, but even to this day I fast forward through this and that lame "Cheer Up Charlie" song that goes on 35 minutes too long.

2) Pink Elephants on Parade- Dumbo- 1941

Now we're getting into horror territory... there is no denying this freak show is scary biz. I don't even know where to start. That song. Mr. I'm made up of entirely angry elephant heads. The two elephants passing by each other only to be connect by their butts. Why were they showing kids this movie during WWII in the first place?! By the by this is definitely the scariest of the bunch, but Dumbo is such a sad movie, this terrifying night tremor is practically a release.

1) Heffalumps and Woozles- Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day- 1968

Let's be honest, did you really expect this out of Winnie the Pooh? I sure as hell didn't! The story is mild, Pooh bear is sweet, and their adventures are nowhere near this drug induced psychobabble. Right when the silly old bear goes floating into the ether, you know some freaky sights about to be had. More marching hyper color elephants?! WHY?! When those jump roping elephant and rat toys stop and stare at you... I damn near peed my pants.

Laughing Jack-in-the boxes... THE. WORST.

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