Thursday, March 17, 2011

For Sadako

I wish I could make 1000 paper cranes for Japan.

Like that book which made us cry at a weirdly young age to be reading about touching thought provoking stuff.

Even though I have incredibly nimble lightening fast fingers, I doubt my 1000 paper cranes wish, could repair all the damage or soak up all the toxic insanity that is going on overseas.

I'm going to keep sending positive thoughts to the people who are suffering.

I'm going to ignore all the ridiculous sensationalized stories, meant to drum up fear.

I'm also going to donate... not a lot, because I don't have the means, but just like the story with Sadako, in order to reach 1000 paper cranes you have to start with one tiny little bit of folded paper.


The Red Cross


Text REDCROSS to 90999 to give a $10 donation.

Is It Summer Yet?

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Old Lady Rant

Once upon a time I used to be awkward. That point in my life was just a blur of stomach gurgles, and sleeves pulled over my fingers, because for some reason that made me feel more secure.

Then, like any common place grub, I went into to hibernation- and came out a fluttering butterfly in cheap, but sexy clothing.

This time was grand.

Not only could I drink, but I was the youngest in the club, and therefore the best- well, what I thought at least. Booze, work, and failed relationships had yet to scratch the surface of my fresh baby-butt skin.

Then one day I woke up 28.

Still young, but just starting to feel the cold handshake of death.

My back hurts, hangovers are now a bitchier bitch than they used to be, and gray hair (nooooooooo).

Sigh, I could actually kinda handle this bullshit, if I didn't work at an All Woman's College. A lady land of cavorting women, fresh, idealistic, and lacking of bras.

It's the juniors, I really despise.

The freshman are basically glorified babies... flopping around the campus like misshapen muppets.

The sophomores... I mean, to be sophomoric is to be stupid.

The seniors- well, they're about to be spat out into a cruel-cruel world, so I can't really be jealous of their blind optimism, which will get crushed in a stampede of rejected resumes.

Oh, but the juniors... damn you juniors!!! Just turned 21 year olds cushioned in the comfort of college. By this point they know exactly how to work the system, taking all late afternoon classes, frequenting local bars, and still fresh enough to engage in social activist conversations most seniors can't help but roll their jaded eyes too.

I shake my fist at you third years!!!! Enjoy it while it's hot cause, baby shit will get real in a couple of years.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Rock Bottom

Everyone has moments when the bottom of the barrel has been completely scraped.

Sometimes it manifest in clothing:

"All my underwear is dirty, so I'm wearing bikini bottoms..."

Sometimes it manifest in television:

"I watched 5 hours of 'Say Yes to the Dress' last night..."

And sometimes it manifest in food, like it did for me two Saturday mornings ago. I woke up with a strong desire to eat cereal. I knew that I didn't have any, but I remembered Heather, my roommate did.

Step one: Steal food.

When I went to the kitchen and looked in the cabinet, I saw her bag of granola... I sighed, I was hoping for something better than granola, but it was all that was there, and I really wanted cereal.

Step two: Steal something lame like granola.

What I did know, was that I had Soy Milk... I went into my refrigerator, pulled out the blue carton and sniffed it. It smelled fine, but the expiration date told a whole different story. I figured this date was just something the company printed to protect their asses, but since it was a month expired I decided to do the pour test in the sink.


I had already added my granola to the bowl, and started to analyze my options. I didn't want to try to eat dry granola, thus shredding the roof of my mouth into a horror show of ripped flesh. I looked sadly at the water faucet, and turned my head away in disgust- how dare I even consider such an abysmal option.

Water-Granola is the saddest thing shy of a Rodeo Clown.

Then, like a lightning bolt from the heavens it dawned on me.

Step Three: Use Non Dairy powder creamer mixed with water as "milk"

As I shook the French Vanilla power over the cereal, a tiny little voice whispered, "you've hit rock bottom."

As I turned the faucet on and watched it bubble up through the chunks of granola and power, the voice clearly stated, "Wow, Nnekay, you've hit rock bottom."

As I mixed the glop into something the reminded me of what porridge must look like the voice sighed and said, "Are you really going to do it!?"

... and I did... I ate it.

It was... good-ish?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tuesday Trendz: OscarBarf

After looking at hundreds (okay maybe like 30) red carpet pictures of thespians and their stretchy faces and shrink wrapped bodies I have one thing to say about Sunday's Night of Glamor:

Snooze, Fart, Turn-Over

Good grief what the hell happened to everyone? Were they too afraid of what that evil plastic witch, Joan Rivers would say? I wish there were more risks. I wish there was more glam. I wish there was some sort of statement: political or insane, I don't care... I want to be knocked on my caboose by the ridiculousness of you overpaid drama nerds.

Instead I got a barrel of "meh" with a side of "who cares". Anyway here are some of the dresses that rated higher than a stale cookie.

Anne Hathaway, Atelier Versace

Couple things about good ole Anne: Props for rocking 8 looks that night, kept me from being annoyed with her showboat theater geek antics. I liked the the Versace dress the most- the detailing on the bodice was unusual, fresh, and interesting to look at. Plus I feel this frock matched her age the most appropriately. Not too baby-frou frou, and not too matron long sleeves. Ya... she kinda looks like a vampire, but whatever people are still jonesing for that Twilight crap.

Camila Alves, Kaufman Franco

Oh Cammy, you look like you could fit an entire Matthew McConnaughey under that gown, but I thank you for finding something that was kinda prom-y and awesome. The band around the waist, the negative neckline, and the POCKETS (yay!!!)

Cate Blanchett, Givency Couture

Okay, so many people gave this dress shit, and I think this is the reason why Oscar fashion was such crap this year. All the loud mouth peons thwarting fashion risks, only to make things BORING. I mean it's like Gladiator Gone Pink, and only Cate Blanchett's tough ass could pull this off.

Mila Kunis, Elie Saab

I say "yes" to this dress. While watching the red carpet a friend of mine blurted, "it looks like her boob might fall out," well, you know what? I would wear this dress even if I had one of my big ole nips peeping through the whole time. The lavender color and her dark hair were a perfect match. The lace and the slight sexiness of peekaboo skin was spot on.

Emma Roberts, Jenny Packman

What the hell? Isn't she a baby?! Anyway, I give baby Julia props for bringing on the sparkle. Gotta love those see through-sleeves. You done good, child, you done good.