Sunday, March 13, 2011

Old Lady Rant

Once upon a time I used to be awkward. That point in my life was just a blur of stomach gurgles, and sleeves pulled over my fingers, because for some reason that made me feel more secure.

Then, like any common place grub, I went into to hibernation- and came out a fluttering butterfly in cheap, but sexy clothing.

This time was grand.

Not only could I drink, but I was the youngest in the club, and therefore the best- well, what I thought at least. Booze, work, and failed relationships had yet to scratch the surface of my fresh baby-butt skin.

Then one day I woke up 28.

Still young, but just starting to feel the cold handshake of death.

My back hurts, hangovers are now a bitchier bitch than they used to be, and gray hair (nooooooooo).

Sigh, I could actually kinda handle this bullshit, if I didn't work at an All Woman's College. A lady land of cavorting women, fresh, idealistic, and lacking of bras.

It's the juniors, I really despise.

The freshman are basically glorified babies... flopping around the campus like misshapen muppets.

The sophomores... I mean, to be sophomoric is to be stupid.

The seniors- well, they're about to be spat out into a cruel-cruel world, so I can't really be jealous of their blind optimism, which will get crushed in a stampede of rejected resumes.

Oh, but the juniors... damn you juniors!!! Just turned 21 year olds cushioned in the comfort of college. By this point they know exactly how to work the system, taking all late afternoon classes, frequenting local bars, and still fresh enough to engage in social activist conversations most seniors can't help but roll their jaded eyes too.

I shake my fist at you third years!!!! Enjoy it while it's hot cause, baby shit will get real in a couple of years.


  1. Baby 28 ain't bad =) you just need to be appreciated for your good qualities. Like Bill Hicks said "It's just a ride."


  2. I realize this is a bit off topic, but it's been a hell of a week so I guess I'm feeling frisky.

    Have you read any Octavia Butler? "Mind of my Mind" is one of my favorites, and I'm currently just starting "Parable of the Talents".

    Cool interview with her