After looking at hundreds (okay maybe like 30) red carpet pictures of thespians and their stretchy faces and shrink wrapped bodies I have one thing to say about Sunday's Night of Glamor:
Snooze, Fart, Turn-Over
Good grief what the hell happened to everyone? Were they too afraid of what that evil plastic witch, Joan Rivers would say? I wish there were more risks. I wish there was more glam. I wish there was some sort of statement: political or insane, I don't care... I want to be knocked on my caboose by the ridiculousness of you overpaid drama nerds.
Instead I got a barrel of "meh" with a side of "who cares". Anyway here are some of the dresses that rated higher than a stale cookie.
Anne Hathaway, Atelier Versace
Couple things about good ole Anne: Props for rocking 8 looks that night, kept me from being annoyed with her showboat theater geek antics. I liked the the Versace dress the most- the detailing on the bodice was unusual, fresh, and interesting to look at. Plus I feel this frock matched her age the most appropriately. Not too baby-frou frou, and not too matron long sleeves. Ya... she kinda looks like a vampire, but whatever people are still jonesing for that Twilight crap.
Camila Alves, Kaufman Franco
Oh Cammy, you look like you could fit an entire Matthew McConnaughey under that gown, but I thank you for finding something that was kinda prom-y and awesome. The band around the waist, the negative neckline, and the POCKETS (yay!!!)
Cate Blanchett, Givency Couture
Okay, so many people gave this dress shit, and I think this is the reason why Oscar fashion was such crap this year. All the loud mouth peons thwarting fashion risks, only to make things BORING. I mean it's like Gladiator Gone Pink, and only Cate Blanchett's tough ass could pull this off.
Mila Kunis, Elie Saab
I say "yes" to this dress. While watching the red carpet a friend of mine blurted, "it looks like her boob might fall out," well, you know what? I would wear this dress even if I had one of my big ole nips peeping through the whole time. The lavender color and her dark hair were a perfect match. The lace and the slight sexiness of peekaboo skin was spot on.
Emma Roberts, Jenny Packman
What the hell? Isn't she a baby?! Anyway, I give baby Julia props for bringing on the sparkle. Gotta love those see through-sleeves. You done good, child, you done good.